Made up on purpose. This is satire. Take it with a generous pinch of nonsense.
Every street has a self-appointed director of operations. No election. No salary. Remarkably strong opinions about bins. Here are seven entirely unscientific signs you live near one.
1. He calls the pavement a shared asset. Nobody asked for an asset manager.
2. His leaf blower has working hours, but somehow they always overlap with your sleep.
3. He can identify a delivery van by sound and considers this community service.
4. There is a laminated notice. There is always a laminated notice.
5. He begins friendly conversations with 'Just so we're all clear'.
6. Your hedge has been discussed in a meeting you did not attend.
7. He says 'our street' with the same energy a monarch says 'my kingdom'.
If all seven apply, congratulations: your council tax now includes an unsolicited neighbourhood supervisor.
